6 whole days together and you would think we would have TONS of photos considering we went EVERYWHERE! California State Fair, Academy of Science, Fujis, Jelly Belly Factory, Napa, etc... But we either forgot to bring our camera or forgot to take pictures. Sad face : (

After our wonderful Jelly Belly Factory tour

The tour kind of sucked. I've waited 5 years to go on their famous tour. I was expecting Willy Wonka and the Jelly Bean Factory. It turned out to be us walking in a circle around an empty candy-making room and stopping to watch pre-recorded Discovery Channel type videos every 5 minutes. And as yummy as Jelly Bellies are, you get kind of sick of them after the first 10. I even tried a canned dog food flavor and a pencil shaving flavor (not bad)! Yoebo had the skunk flavor! Hahaha.

Night Life at the California Academy of Sciences! Yoebo REALLY liked it. He went into super nerd mode and read EVERY SINGLE sign and caption in the exhibits. He seemed really sad when the museum closed and we were kicked out

Everyone in the Bay Area should go check out Night Life at the CAoS! Regular $25 admission goes down to only $12. It's for 21+ only so no stupid little kids getting in your way (haha just kidding, I love little kids . And they have DJS in every exhibit along with bartenders! It's a great place for a date or to pick up classy girls versus the trashy ones at the club. Ha!

That's all the pictures we have. Hope you enjoyed!

No. Seriously. My brother laughed at me when I called him today.

Continuing from my previous FML entry. So I ended up forking about $800 for repairs to the CYLINDERS, which was under my budget limit to keep fixing that car. I left pretty happy that this car can last me until the end of the year when I buy a new car. Not 10 minutes after I leave the Honda Parking Lot... I get rear ended by an 83 year old man on the freeway. And I am pretty sure he doesn't have insurance. He kept dodging me when I asked for his insurance info. Then when he DID give it to me, it was expired.

Luckily the car was only scratch.

A week later, I find out there is SERIOUSLY something wrong with my BRAKES so I drop by Honda on my way to school. Turns out it was going to cost me another $600 to fix the brakes. OMG. Forget it!

LONG weekend between towing my old car home & figuring out what to do with it, borrowing my brother's girlfriends car, looking at car loans to buy a new car, looking at car loans to take over my sister in law's 2 year old car.

So we decided the easiest thing was to take over my sister in law's car and my brother would buy her a new one. I would just pay off the remaining of their car loan. I would take out my own car loan to pay off their first and then pay off my own in about half a year. Done & done. Easy enough.

I picked up the car yesterday. YAY! New Car!! I went to school this morning and as I leave school, I freaking get T-BONED by this 18 year old girl (who JUST got her license) coming out of the parking lot who did not stop at her STOP SIGN. And the insurance she gave me under her parents name was expired too!

ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS!?!?!? F*** MY LIFE or what?!

So.. I finally paid off ALL my Credit Cards this past week. Yup. All my debt from those wonderful college years of being fabulous. Those stupid things hung over my head like a dark cloud for years.  I'm done with them now!! And on top of that I had a couple thousand left to put into a savings account for purses, shoes, and a shiny new car! Whoo hoo!!! Right?!

Wrong.

Ugh... Two months ago I stopped buying medical insurance because I decided to switch over to a better one than the one my school offered. Except dumb me never got around to it. So my old insurance ran out. And if you've read my last entry.. I had to call an ambulance to go the the hospital. Fuck my Life or what?!

I guess all the money I saved up is now going to go to the hospital bill.

My troubles don't end there. This morning on my way to school my check engine light isn't only on. It's FLASHING. But I can't miss anymore school hours without failing so I went to school anyway. I dropped by the dealership on my way home from school and ended up having to leave my car there over night and getting a rental. Fuck My Life or what?!

So there goes more money I saved up. Rain on my parade why don't you?

I decided if the repairs is going to cost me too much, I am going to get rid of that car and along with my mom put a down payment for a new car. There is no sense in me putting more and more money into a dying car. I might as well put that money into a reliable new car.

I really thought I was getting on top of things. But I guess there is no winning this money game  
I wish I was a little princess and mom and dad paid my way through life and I got all the fancy things I desired without a worry about where it was coming from. This whole making your own money and paying for your own things and being responsible is NO FREAKING FUN. Whoever said they get a satisfaction from buying their own things sure hasn't experienced the satisfaction of having other people spoil them with lavish things... I'm just sayin'.

Well, to put a smile on my (and hopefully yours too) face. Here are pictures from a fun beach outing with my cousins and their friends on a GORGEOUS California summer day at the famous Point Reyes


Someone thought I gave them the finger. Someone else thought I told them to hold on for a minute.
I was just trying to pose something other than the fob pose. Fail

In my 22 years I have been blessed to have never been in the hospital. I have never even broken nor fractured a single bone. Nor had ANY kind of sickness worst than a common cold. I don't think I've ever even had food poisoning before. With that said, I'm not exactly the healthiest person. I'm kind of shrimp-y and sensitive to the elements.

So yesterday at 11AM when I started feeling a little faint, I didn't think much of it. I couldn't really stand perfectly straight. I had thought maybe because I didn't have any breakfast yet. And then I threw up 4 times in a half hour span. I had nothing to throw up so I threw up my own bile.

I laid down and could not get back up. The moment I sat up, the room spun and my head felt like lead. My eyes would just roll back so I just laid back down and started crying. I called my boyfriend - who told me to call 911, my brother - who did nothing to help, my mother - who couldn't do anything, and my cousin. My cousin called the nurse and they suggested maybe I was having Vertigo and some Meclizine would help. So I called my best friend and asked her to come over with some Meclizine and help me get some food in my stomach. While I waited for her...

I realize I could not even open my eyes anymmore because the room kept spinning. And when I closed my eyes I felt like I was falling off a cliff. By now it was 3PM. My boyfriend made me call 911. By the time the paraedics were ringing my doorbell, I fell down the stairs twice trying to get to the lock. I finally crawled my way down despite the spinning room and my lead-heavy head. I finally unlocked the door and collapsed at the foot of the paramedic. I heard them on the radio describing me as "hysterical." How else would you be when your whole world was spinning while your head pounded.He calmed me down and walked/carried me to the ambulance and I threw up some more. He asked which hospital do I usually go to, to which I responded, "I've never been to the hospital before." My eyes were held shut the whole time so I had no idea who was who or if my neighbors were there or not or what the paramedic even looked like. Mom had taken a cab home from work just in time to ride with us to the hospital.

I had asked to lay down since that was the only way I felt okay but the ambulance ride was brutal and I spent the whole ride throwing up. What gets me is why he did not hold my long hair back while I threw up. He just let my hair fall into the throw up bowl. Imagine me holding onto the ambulance, the throw up bowl, AND my hair. Why the hair thing was so important to me at a time like that sure beats me. To top that off, the paramedic couldnt find my vein since "they were sooo tiny!" I squirmed a lot since it really hurt. He put some stickers on me (my skin is still very itchy where the stickers were) and hooked me up to listen to my heart beat and took a blood sample but he gave up on trying to start an IV. I wondered what he would do if he had to start an IV on a child or someone smaller than me. But they gave me some oxygen and that felt good. Everyone kept asking if I had been drinking, or taken drugs, or the worst was if there was any possibilities that I was pregnant. No. No there isn't.

At the hospital they made me sit up to take off my shirt and I threw up some more. Finally they laid me down and started and IV and gave me some nausea & dizzy medicine. She also had me do some slow head turning exercises to help move around the calcification so that my nerve endings could connect again. The doctor explained that Vertigo is caused when the nerves from your inner ear and your brain isn't connecting so you don't get the signal and you don't feel any sense of equilibrium. It is usually caused by ear infections or other health problems, none of which they found. So no one could explain why I was having such a severe case of Vertigo. I was otherwise perfectly healthy. They said if the symptoms continue for longer than a week then I would need to go see an ear, eyes, nose specialist.

After a few hours of rest I was able to leave the hospital and my best friend, who had met me up at the hospital and stayed with me the whole time (God bless her), took my mom and I home. The dizziness had stopped and the nausea wasn't so bad anymore as long as I did not move too much. I was just very tired. We had gotten home and half way up the stairs I collapsed again and threw up some more. We rested for a little bit then made it up to my bed where I fell asleep. I ignored all my calls and text because even talking made me nauseous.

This morning I woke up feeling a little tired but otherwise fine. I took the day off from school because I needed a day at home just to make sure I am okay.

Anyhow, that's my story. Lesson learned: STAY CALM
Btw, is this what being on drugs feel like? Why would anyone voluntarily do it to themselves?

1. I am always scared of being the UGLY friend. So I never go out with my girlfriends without dolling up. 100% of the time I am over dressed versus under dressed. My worst fear is I'm out with a group of girls and guys will not only not notice me (because that isn't so bad) but will think I am the ugly one of the bunch. I hate it when guys pick me out of a group to try and flirt or give me things.  I am scared it is a pity present and they will laugh at me if I accept it. Am I making any sense?!

Like today, my gorgeous cousins and I went out to eat at Boiling Crab after work so I looked like I just crawled out of bed. The restaurant was packed but we did not notice anyone around us, we just enjoyed each other's company and the finger lickin' crawdads. Satisfied and cleaned up, we stood up to leave. The guy at the table next to us, stood up, reached over my cousins, and handed me a rose made of paper towel. At first, I stared at the impressive paper towel rose. But instantly I panicked thinking he chose me to play a sick joke on because I am the ugliest one. Like how the jock in the movies asks the loser girl to the prom only to stand her up and go with the cheerleader. OMG! What if I am the loser girl?!?

I stared at the rose, squeaked, "no thank you," all the while doing anything and everything to avoid even looking in his direction! He placed the rose down on the table in front of me and I walked away. My cousin ended up saying she will take the rose and grabbed it before following me out the door (she said she felt bad for the guy.)  I can see how to the average person I pulled a total BITCH move. But it was justified in my head. No way was I going to be the loser girl who falls for the jock's prank.

That and because I already have a boyfriend who gives me REAL roses

2. I am REALLY scared of another girl trying to steal my boyfriend/husband. I see it in dramas ALL the time. When a crazy bitch wants a guy, she will do ANYTHING to get him. Including hurting me or herself and seducing my boyfriend/husband. And knowing me, I do not know how to fight dirty or even stand up for myself. So I just pray my boyfriend/husband will love me infinitely and see through the crazy bitch's scheme and will fight to stay with me forever. No matter what the crazy bitch does!

And what's worst is my life is NOT a drama. I will not get a happy ending : (

Is THAT what old people call it? Hahaha. We booked bottles on a club cruise. Super fun! And being it was on a boat, I had a genius idea to dress like a sailor. I'm costume-y and overly dramatic like that. Hahaha. Too bad I worked literally ALL that day (3 weddings) so I had only 20 minutes to deck myself out for the big night. And the boat leaves so you can't come fashionably late. Sad face  : (

Waiting to board in the freezing cold. Note to self. Do not stand super close to the camera when everyone else is lined up. You will look short and big. Not to mention your fabulous shoe get cut off  : (

Notice ALL the asians in the background. Kinda looks like we're at a dim sum restaurant huh? Hehe. It turned out to be a full on fob boat. But I like it that way, the crowd is less rowdy and very classy (as classy as Louboutin knock offs get). There were literally 2 blacks peoples on the boat. At one point the running joke was we were getting deported back to China. Lol.

My gorgeous cousins and I. Still warming up thats why we have our sweaters and jackets on. The alcohol hasn't hit us yet

With the birthday girl!! We're big on lipstick in case you haven't noticed 

The party girls!   

I have no pictures with the party boys. My cousins kept trying to take sneaky pictures of me with them to try and get me in trouble with yoebo but I avoided boys like the plague! See below.


Notice clever use of buffers and me fobbing up the pictures. Hahahaha.

My cousins and their friends are crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy party bishes! The night consisted of people standing in a circle around them cheering them on, and they weren't even on the dance floor! I mostly held my head in shame for them. Hahahaha. Even the security guards thanked us for putting on a show. Except me. They specifically said I didn't give them a show but they thanked me for being there anyway

Anyhow, we're celebrating my other cousin's REAL 21st birthday in a few months in VEGAS!!! Family trip!! Ahh!!! Super excited. What should be my costume....?

I actually am fuming mad at something tonight but I decided to save it for another day to see if my feelings will have subsided by then and I can write about it from a clear head. Until then... 

So last week I did a client's makeup for her engagement photos. I asked what she was wearing and she said she had no idea but that she was going to this little boutique near my house. She raved about it! How its owned by two asian girls who are super passionate about fashion and opened a boutique and they have GREAT customer service because they really help you find your clothes like a personal shopper. Their little boutique was so popular that they were able to afford and move to a bigger space.

So come yesterday after I finished all my work I decided to treat myself to some new dresses, plus I needed a dress for attending an awards ceremony for a Vietnames school I used to volunteer at. I went to said boutique and OMG! FELL IN LOVE!! I cannot rave enough about the customer service. The owner talked about my body type and what I liked to wear and she picked out 7 dresses for me to try on. I ended buying 3 of them. She was SUPER helpful. The quality is between department store & Forever21  (think Bebe or Guess). LOVE this place! Will be coming back every so often

Today I went to help out at the awards ceremony at my old Vietnamese school. I have been going there since K -5th grade. Then I spent the next 7 years volunteeering. Just this past 3 years my business took off so I couldn't volunteer regularly anymore but I'm glad I came back today. I saw A LOT of familiar faces and met some new ones. Not to mention, I think I just found a new business partner who owns a freaking GORGEOUS business property by SF Fisherman's Wharf! She seems SUPER interested in investing in my makeup busines. I told her all my ideas and we just seemed to match up perfectly. I'll bring the artistic side of it and she'll bring the business side of it. I'm SUPER stoked!

I was so inspired after going to that clothing boutique to start a business based on passion and it will grow. So my dream is to have a BRIDAL salon doing what I do now, which is bridal hair & makeup. But then it will also offer all your other salon services. Think of how fun it would be the night before your wedding you and your bridesmaids come to a super chic salon and all get your nails done and have music and cocktails! It will be HIGH class salon services at a high class price of ourse, not your typical walk-in salon. Then I want to have a photo studio attached where ladies can buy packages to get their hair & makeup done AND get their boudoir or beauty shots! Imagine that! Coming back a year after your wedding to get made up again to take sexy seductive photos for your husband as an anniversary present? And it can all be done in one place by a gorgeous staff in a super sexy studio! Plus I love artistic photo shoots so I'll have the space to PLAY all day!!

Anyhow, I'll post some pictures from today

My awesome dress from said awesome boutique. I decided to go with a more casual dress rather than a traditional Vietnamese dress this year since I wasn't really involved and I was just stopping by to say hi to everyone. This is Co Chi, one of the sweetest teachers at Vietnamese school. I was her TA for 5 years! Love her!

Me helping register the award accepting students as they walked in the door. Look at my get-to-work pose. I wasn't even posing for the camera. Haha!

And then after my appointments today, I video chatted with yoebo. But he doesn't really pay attention to me. So I make faces until he looks at me.

I didn't think he paid attention but apparently he does. He even takes pictures. Hahaha.

Ahhh!! My head is GIGANTIC!!
Yay for composting (see bottom right) ! And for toilet paper made of recycled material (no relation to pictures, just saying)!

Goodnight kisses for all! (But don't tell my boyfriend, he'll KILL you

Everyone of us has that guy/girl friend who has that bitch/asshole of a girl/boyfriend. And we always wonder why they are with them right? I always try to give my friend the benefit of the doubt that although I may know their SO as a horrible individual, I don't know how they act in the relationships. People can be VERY different in relationships than how they are outside.

Me for example. You know how in that last post I wrote about how unconfrontational I am? Well its 99.99% true. The 0.01% untrue is how confrontational I am in the relationship, especially with the one I am in now. Maybe I feel more secure and trusting of my boyfriend now that I am VERY confrontational with him. I know we will be in it for the long haul so there is no just walking away or putting it behind us. It HAS TO BE SOLVED so we can truly move on.

Like if I hear it in his voice that he is not happy with me, he never admits it. But I push him and I don't let him drop it no matter how much he says he's "fine" or "let's just drop it." Sometimes I push him over the edge and he gets REALLY pissed. But it forces him to talk to me.

Or when I see him and some girl on facebook getting a little too chummy for my comfort or talking about something I think is disrespectful to me (like about strippers) then I let him have it. I get really loud and confrontational. I don't let it go until I for sure am positive he understands what he did was wrong. And if I don't think he gets it yet? I keep at it. I don't let him get away with anything like that. I turn molehills into mountains.Even my own mother feels bad for him when I give him my wrath (She calle me a witch once *gasp!* because I wouldn't stop yelling at him). I don't want to keep building our relationship on rubble of hard feelings. Everything must be clean so that we're truly always happy with each other and not holding in any kind of resentment.

Then my boyfriend is the complete opposite. If you read his xanga you'll see he can be a very angry guy. What do you expect? He's Korean! He'll get into fights with senior citizens and their young grandchildren over a parking space. Not to mention all the rumors I heard about what an asshole he is when we were first getting to know each other.

But to be honest, the closest I've seen him get to confrontational is to some drivers who cut us off. But even then, he calms down when I ask him to. He's the sweetest guy to me. He's never even raised his voice to me. The few times we've gotten into big fights, he always lets me win because he doesn't want to see me sad anymore. So all this talk about him being confrontational and taking care of business? I've never witness it. I mean, when something needs to get done, he just does it. I don't see the the behind-the-scenes of it, I don't hear the phone calls, I just see the beautiful ending, in which everything is just peaceful and my way.

What sometimes gets me is when he's upset at something I did. He doesn't confront me about it. He won't even tell me if I ask. He just "deals with it" by going to the gym or sleeping it off. He doesn't get in my face about it. He just lets it be. Usually, I have to push him to his ends for him to admit anything is wrong in the first place. I think it's because he doesn't want to make me cry whereas with other people he doesn't care if he's mean to them and they cry.

Weird huh? If you knew me as an individual you'd think I was non confrontational in my relationship too but as you can see that's not true. And if you knew my boyfriend as an individual you'd think he'd be yelling and screaming in the relationship but he doesn't. We're the total opposite when we're together than when we're separate.

Do you and your SO act different to each other than to other people? I'm sure of it!

They say little people are fiesty. Especially little Vietnamese girls, they will cut you. I am little AND Vietnamese so you would expect me to go around cutting people and stuff. But I don't. It's like when God was putting the Fight or Flight instincts in me, I was so little he had room for only one and he gave me the FLIGHT instead.

Like if I read a xanga entry that I found really offensive and so did a lot of other people. Most people would comment about how offensive it is and start a fight with the writer. Me? No. I just click my way out of there and make a mental note not to visit that person's xanga ever again. Or if someone tried to start a fight on my xanga with something insanely stupid and insulting, I would delete it rather than respond and that would be the end of that.

Some girl at the club keeps bumping into me and wants to start shit even though it's her fault for dancing like a stripper and she is 4 times my size so shes the one taking up more space? I keep a neutral face (nothing to provoke her) and disappear into my group of friends.

Some bishes talking shit and spreading rumors about me? Of course I get mad but I don't do anything about it. I deal with it by pretending they don't exist. I don't show up at their doorstep with 2 -3 guys threatening to kick their ass. And no, I don't accept my friends' offer to do it for me (What kind of friends do I have?!?)

Someone yells at me without good cause? Like my brother or a boyfriend? Do I yell back? No. I cry and that's the end of that. Or when my dad used to go on his temper rages and says all kind of crazy hurtful things? Do I ever say anything back even though what he is saying is wrong? No, never.

I am not at all confrontational, if someone was doing something I didn't like, rather than ask them to stop, I'd just quietly exit the situation. I never do anything to provoke anyone to get mad at me. I try to keep everything that comes out of my mouth positive or neutral. Even if someone asked me if an ugly girl was ugly, I'd turn it around and say the color of her shirt is pretty. I am the queen of neutralizing a situation. I do it all the time in my line of work, I HAVE to, I deal with BRIDES on their WEDDING DAY and do you have any idea how much can go wrong the morning of? I choose my words and tone very carefully.

I fear the day I will be cornered and have to fight. My boyfriend promises he will  surprise drop kick the girl from her blind spot in the face before she gets  close to me (dramatic much?) But even then I don't really want him to. I'd rather we just get out of there. I think my worst fear would be another girl trying to steal my man (the low down dirty way) because I am pretty sure I will just bow out (It's happened before...twice) and PRAY that my boyfriend will choose me instead. I make yoebo promise me all the time to prevent that from ever happening.

I guess I should be standing up for myself more. But I hate that feeling of being so angry I'm shaking (it's happened once or twice in my life) so I find it easier to just walk away and focus on something else that will make me smile instead. There soooo many opportunities in life to make you happy so if you lose one, move onto another one right?

Hi all! My name is Van but my nick name is Square Bear. I originally got it because when my new friends talk about making plans to drink and smoke I always turn them down. Then they found out I don't drink or smoke or do drugs at all, ever really. But it doesn't stop there. I don't lie, cheat, or steal. Not even in school. Not even when the lying and the cheating could help boost my grade and there is no way the teachers will find out and everyone else is doing it. I won't even accept my friend's offer to cheat for me. I hardly curse or even raise my voice. You'll never even catch me saying anything negative about anyone (that isn't already true).

I guess you can say I have a high morality being raised Catholic and all. But really.. it's because I am super paranoid about getting into any kind of trouble.

It used to annoy me that my friends called me a square bear everytime I turned them down. But come to think of it I'd rather deal with being called a square bear than deal with the consequences of breaking the rules. Lol how square bear is THAT?!