With the looming 24 hour until xanga’s expiration date, I had to archive both mine and Won’s Xanga. It made me spend the last 5 hours reading over my old entries. I happened to read through 2 really dark years.  To be honest, I don’t even remember those events nor can I remember feeling what felt at the time, I am just reading it now as if I were reading a stranger’s blog and I feel so sad for past me. Because current me is so happy. I have bad days but I have such a positive outlook and energy on life now that I can’t relate to old me anymore. 

I can’t help but compare old me to now me. And I am so happy to have a husband, who for the past five years has made me feel extremely secure. Never once did I have to wonder if I was loved. Even from day one, there was no doubt that this guy here  would travel to the end of the earth for me and back. I never questioned his loyalties or intentions. There was never a hypothetical scenario in which he would leave me in any circumstances and he made that clear. I was and will always be his top priority.

For a second I thought, maybe it’s me. Maybe now I am an older stronger person who doesn’t take crap. But back then I was young and naive and guys treated me bad because I allowed them to. But if you really knew my husband, you’d know the way he treats me has absolutely nothing with my expectations and what I allow him to get away with or not. He treats me like a princess and a wife because that is how he wants to treat me. I used to ask if he goes above and beyond because that is who he is as a person. Or if he goes above and beyond because it is who I am as a person and he loves me. He assures me it’s the latter. I hope everyone finds someone who loves them like this. And someone they love like this. 

I always ask friends who know me in real life if how I come off in xanga is how I come off in real life. 

The other day a friend was telling me that between me in real life, in text messages, and on FB, she would think I were 3 different people. I asked her how.

1. In real life I am very calm. It’s rare that I get upset or excited over anything. My demeanor is very lady like, polite, and guarded and I rarely let loose to do anything crazy. In one on one situations, I am chatty but my voice is low, lower than how you would imagine it would be when you see me. So I sound serious and almost cynical at times. 

2. In text, I am very blunt and abrupt. It’s because I hate texting! I only text when I absolutely need to, and I don’t spend any extra time on the please and thanks you and whatever sugary words people use. Sometimes I re-read it and realize how bitchy I sound so I put a smiley face or a lol to lighten up the mood.

3. On facebook, I am ALL positive and happy cherry funny and never have an opinion. It’s because my FB is REALLY public, my clients and family have access to it so I want to put out a positive image. I don’t want anyone related to my business to think I have an attitude or that I think lowly of anyone nor do I want to offend anyone (unless something obvious like rapists). I work in the wedding industry, we’re all smiles ALL THE TIME

I think the only people who I REALLY act like myself around is my mom and my husband (even before we were married, he was the ONLY boyfriend that made me feel comfortable enough to  act this way around). With them, I am SUPER emotional and irrational and irritable and happy and silly and demanding LAZY. I dance around to no music, I sing like a mad woman, I cry like a baby, I complain like a lil bitch, I get super affectionate like a child. Won always asks me if my mom of any of friends know I am like this and how he wants to film me someday. My mom asks me if my husband knows I’m like this. LOL

My in laws, no doubt hear how I am when I am around my husband so they make comments about why I can talk a mile a minute with him and laugh like mad but the second one of them appears, I get super quiet and polite again. Even though they are now my family, I doubt I will ever show this side of me to them. I don’t even show it to my brothers nor did I ever to my dad. I think when I have kids, they will see it. And hopefully they will be as crazy as me so when Won comes home from work he has a zoo at home of his wife and kids singing and dancing like mad peoples. Hahahaha

In general as a person, I am pretty happy.  I do get upset very easily but I tell myself that people will be who they are and whatever issues they have is really their own issue and I need to remove myself from it and go on to enjoy my life. As for shit that is my own fault, I tell myself it won’t matter in 5 years and so I need to just let it go and enjoy the next day. Since taking on this perspective, I am generally an even happier person. 

And here are some more wedding pictures from my friends!

Our table pieces… I tried to make it very modern despite being at an asian restaurant. We got lazy about the centerpeices… Flowers are a bitch to do cuz you can’t do them before, you literally have to work on them the night before and everyone’s already tired and irritable and I just didn’t give a shit anymore. Oh well… next time we have a wedding (10 years anniversary, Won promised) I will hire a florist to do it. I thought it would be fun to do and I can live out my secret dream of being a florist, but it’s really not fun at all given the time restraint and the fact that I don’t know shit about flowers nor flower arranging. 

Our sweetheart table and very expensive dinner that we did not eat. A lot of people said the food was amazing… guess I’ll just have to take their word for it. 

Me being a bomb ass MC for our wedding because I hate it when people give long speeches and jibber jabber about nothing for ever. We just wanted to get this party started. I got a lot of compliments (don’t know if they were sarcastic or not) for giving the shortest and sweetest introduction speech, ever. And me making Won hold my bouquet and stare at me lovingly. Then he got on and told everyone that alcohol is non returnable so they better drink up -____-

Me giving Won the finger that means.. if you so much as get that frosting even NEAR my face, I will KEEEEEEEEEEEEEL you. So he did the next best thing, and dropped that shit down my boobs!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SO EMBARASSING!! He claims it was on accident but the way he went for it with his mouth you would thought he planned it all -____-  I got him back on his nose and I was going to be sexy and lick it off his nose but I was too short so we just left it like that.

Side note: I wore a shit ton of lipstick that day in BRIGHT HOT PINK so everytime we kissed, Won had BRIGHT HOT PINK lipstick too. Hahahahaha

Slow dancing at our pink and chandelier themed wedding. Side note: We didn’t know how to slow dance despite all the YouTube videos we watched so after like 30 seconds I had to try to catch our DJ’s eyes to be like.. “cut. the. music.” with my eyes… it worked! and he got the party started with some party music instead. *Whew*

     
Won getting super hot & sexy and taking off his clothes. Our friend (the one who told me about my multiple personality) awkwardy snapped a quick photo with us while the restaurant was breaking down after the party ended. Then that’s me sitting at the entrance yelling at everyone to go the eff home cuz the party is over and I’m tired and wanted to go home to sleep. But everyone kept mingling and wouldn’t leave because they loved each other so much.. Hahahahahahahah

Van + Won 7/13/2013 Same Day Edit from Root Bound Productions on Vimeo.

We had an AH-MAZING weekend filled with love for each other, love for our family & friends, and love FROM our family & friends. Thank you God for blessing us with so much love!! 

Last time Won and I got into a fight and that made me feel really crappy.

But like magic, everything fixed itself. I sleep normally, my body is acting like it should again! Yay!!

6 more days until we’re married in front of everybody!! Stressed, I am not as we’ve done everything already! I think it’s just a matter of it all coming together now. I would love to continue to blog and share all our wedding pictures with everyone from here that has been with us through the journey but I guess we will all find out soon enough if that is possible or no. You can add me on FB but I don’t really have guy friends on there (or in life) so I hope I recognize your real name/picture somehow. 

I was just telling Won I want to continue to blog, be it on xanga or elsewhere… but I kind of liked that xanga was not very popular because it kept my blog out of the reach of my business. With my business name, I am super online social but I’ve always been careful not to link my xanga to any of it. My xanga audience was just xangans and my personal friends who have been silently reading since the dawn of xanga time. I feel like starting a new with another blog, I’ll have to announce it somehow and then sadly it will leak into my business. And as much as I love my personal-down-time-dorky-angry persona and my on-the-go-positive-business-chic persona, I’d like to keep them separate. That and I hate change.. gaaaah.

With lots of love <3