I hate the Superbowl and anything that boys do, like play poker.

I KNEW I should have been more suspicious when oppa was more than happy when I announced I was going clubbing with the girls last night. He didn't even skip a beat when he told me to "have fun baby."

I should have known something was up!!!!

HE HAS BEEN IGNORING ME ALL FREAKING DAY BECAUSE OF THE STUPID SUPERBOWL. I have not received a single missed call or text at all today. Why? Why? Because of the super bowl. Why? Because after the super bowl boys play poker!! AHHHHH!!! And because he was so nice to me yesterday he will think I will feel guilty for being mad at him today. Well guess what? You win this time. But next time... I will be smarter at playing this game.

HMPH!!

In a few hours my facebook newsfeed will be filled with everyone wishing each other a Happy New Years. Everything seems so exciting and wonderful. The firecrackers, the cherry blossoms, the red envelopes, the new clothes, the clean house, the wonderful foods. I don't remember much about New Years as a child. I just remember one year my dad gave me a red envelope with a $20 bill. And I came back and gave him a fake $20 bill in exchange for a $10 bill since I wanted to save him money that year. Lol. He didn't figure it out until he went to the liquor store and tried to buy something with the fake $20 bill. Hehe. I laugh thinking about how he came home laughing about it too.

When I turned 14 I noticed how unenthusiastic about New Years my mom was, when usually she is the type to wake us up on our birthdays with hugs and kisses and runs about the house singing Christmas carols during Christmas. After much questioning she finally revealed to me that she is actually very sad about New Years. New Year reminds her of the mother she left behind back in Vietnam. Her mother whose hair has turned white, and whose vision has gone bad, and whose heart hurts just as much as my own mother around the traditional family holiday. New Year in Vietnam is a VERY big deal. The family gets together and cooks a feast. The festivities rings through out the village. Here, here in America there is very few of us that can get together. New Year falls on a weekday, during which we all have work or school. Nothing is special here, we couldn't bring over the feeling of hundreds of relatives for my mother. We gave her our love, but it's not the same, not on New Years.

Now I view New Year with a sad hurting in my heart for my mom. It's been that way since I was 14. I don't ask for the red envelopes anymore. I don't enjoy the New Year cakes and candies. I see it as more of mourning than a celebration. I try to be there to console my mother more than I try to be festive with her.

3 years ago my mom's mom passed away. I REALLY didn't know how my mom felt about New Years anymore. Probably full of regret that she never went back to spend a New Year with her mom, at least one last time. My mum and dad started making plans to go back to visit during the New Year one time, just to relive the full traditions again. But then my dad passed away the year after. I don't need to wonder how my mom feels about New Year anymore. Because I know how it feels first hand. It's a lot of sadness. New Years is about family and remembering to show love and reverence to your elders, which turns into love and hurt when you are reminded your parents aren't around anymore. I remembered I cried A LOT last year during New Years because that day reminded me so much of my father.

Well, tomorrow is New Years. We didn't have any candies this year and we gave away all the cakes already. We haven't shopped or cleaned. Our house actually looks like someone shook it up side down at the moment. My mom had carpet cleaners come and shampoo the carpet so all our furniture and random stuff is piled on top of each other. And my brothers were asshole, in their typical asshole nature. What is tomorrow? I'd be lucky if it were just another ordinary day. But it's not, it's New Year.

If my dad was famous for anything in this lifetime, it was his involvement in the Vietnamese Churches in San Francisco. No seriously, his funeral had so many attendees that people not only sat shoulder to shoulder, but lined the walls and out the door. And they were all church people from two different churches he dedicated his life to. At one church he built the Vietnamese community from the ground. By the time we switched to a different church, everyone had already known about him and so he was invited into the ... I don't know their name but basically they're a group of powerful men who pretty much runs everything in the church. I guess like a the government of our church.

My dad was always going to meetings and organizing this and that. Being his daughter, it was easy to be accepted everywhere we went, EVERYONE knew my dad. But of course it meant that I would have to participate and be involved in the church too. Most of the time I didn't mind, but some of the time I REALLY did not want to sing the choir, or do the readings, or teach Sunday class. It didn't matter what I wanted. That was what I was to do. I've lost count of the number of times my dad dragged me into church and I stood behind him bowing politely to the older men as they told me what I had to do for church that day. Sometimes, I hated it. Sometimes, I wanted to just sit in the back of the church and blend in with everyone else. But most of the time I enjoyed it. I enjoyed doing something that would help liven church up for everyone a little bit. I loved working with the kids and having a creative outlet with them. I loved designing their dance costumes, and choosing their music, and making their dance props, and teaching them to dance. I loved watching them perform and everyone complimenting them.

But mostly, I loved that it brought my dad and I together. Because whatever I wanted to do, my dad would not only support me but he would lead the way. He made the phone calls to the people that made everything happen. He made the phone calls to get me the funds. He attended the meetings that granted me the time and place to get everything together. It was easy with my dad.

Since his passing, I expected to fade into the background. I no longer had my dad to stand in front of me and speak for me. So imagine my surprise when I received a letter inviting me to attend the super important meeting of the super important decision makers of the church. I was really nervous that whole week. I was going to be alone for the first time without my dad, facing all these important men. There were rarely ever any women who made any decisions in the church, much less a child. A girl child at that. I only prayed that I had my own voice to face them. Sad story was... I actually couldn't even find the secret ( okay it wasn't secret but only people knew where it was would have known where it was) meeting place. FAIL!

But imagine my surprise when the next Sunday in church the priest was announcing the new cabinet for the new church year. There was a older men who would represent the old people. Another older man who would represent the  men's group (who basically ran the church). An older woman who would represent the Mothers group (who did the work to put together the events but I don't think has much say in how things would be ran). Then surprise surprise I was announced to represent the young population of church. Apparently everything was voted on during the meeting that I missed. But apparently it didn't matter because I was ushered into the position either way. Well, the position was made for me. There has never been a youth representative to this day, the youth simply never was given a voice in our traditional church. But here I was standing amongst these important men and women. The church applauded and we bowed.

I kept thinking I wish I had my dad to be my voice. I didn't feel like I was ready for this. But so far everything has been going very well. Everyone has been very supportive and congratulating me. I've been most touched by the important men who have come up to me and told me what great man my father was and how sure they are that I will do a great job too. I can't let them down. I can't let my dad down

I've already gotten quite a few projects for the next few months. I dread thinking about school, work, AND this new responsibility on top of it all. But I'm excited. I've been given a voice of my own, my dad already paved the way for me. I've only got to embrace it and do something GREAT with it. Maybe this will help me find the faith I've been looking for.

We planned a huge Phamily trip to Lake Tahoe for my mom's birthday. Pretty much all my Bay Area cousins went, my cousin from So Cal flew up, and my yoebo came too! It took weeks of back and forth planning but finally we were on the road to Lake Tahoe with our BEAUTIFUL town house waiting for us in all the snow.

Trip Highlights:
1. Yoebo got to spend time with my family and everyone got along really well. I was really nervous about what would happen between him and my brother since last time it wasn't so good but this time my brother really tried to be a more welcoming host. And now everyone is friends!!

2. We played a family wide game of CRANIUM!!! Yoebo and I were winning so far ahead of everyone on the game board. Everyone kept accusing us of cheating because yoebo would guess everything I drew, sculpted, and acted within the first 5 seconds. We were THAT good!! Until.... we kept getting the HUMMDINGER cards and no matter how good of a hummer I was... Yoebo wouldn't get the songs because well... he is a fob. Haha he didn't grow up here so he doesn't know any of the oldies song they had. Gaaah! That KILLED us! And my brother and his wife ended up winning the grand prize of $40    But still so fun! Everyone got REALLY into it and we got really loud and laughed until we cried.

3. I got injured during the trip so yoebo spent all weekend taking care of me. So sweet! He would literally carry me down the stairs, carry me into bed, and even helped me sit down to pee! All while I whined and moaned in pain! Lol! I got injured because I had to sit in the middle in the back of a truck meant for 4 people while we fit in 5. The middle seat was not meant for sitting so after sitting for 2 -3 hours I was in A LOT of pain. 4 days later I am still in pain. And even though this pain ruined my trip, this is still considered a highlight because yoebo was so sweet to me the whole time

4. Our town house! Everyone LOVED it! It was bigger than any Bay Area homes and it was decorated sooo beautifully and equipped with everything anyone could imagine for.

5. My little cousins were in a good mood all weekend! They are usually really difficult and frustrating to be around but this weekend they were on pretty good behavior and I felt I've made some progress with getting along with them as an older cousin. Maybe they will trust me enough to help them with their issues someday.

6. SNOW is BEAUTIFUL!! <3

I love shows like Criminal Minds because I find the psychology of psychos really interesting. OMG, I should be careful what I wish for because I just got a BIG serving of psycho bitch.

So after last night, I wake up this morning and I find on MY facebook (I was on Won's facebook last night) a bunch of messages from her cussing me out and insulting me and laughing and being sexual and uarggggh! Makes me want to throw up. Then I fucking realize she made up the fake profile just to message me because she used MY name! So I call Won and we fight about it some more.

Until Won gets to work and signs onto his AIM. And she IMs asking to videochat with her "oppa." So he blocks her and she makes another screen name to cuss him out and hopes that we break up. Then he blocks her again and she makes ANOTHER screen name to threaten to hurt both me and his little sister if he doesn't reply to her, using our full names. OMG. WHAT THE FUCK. Block!

What is interesting to me in this situation is.. She is starting to seem like an unreal person right? Like some spam in Africa. But when I had looked at her facebook profile she was a NORMAL PERSON. Like a normal pretty girl. She works at MAC cosmetics in Europe. She has albums of her at work and at work parties. She had albums of her friends and family. Of her taking vacation with her friends to the US and Canada. NORMAL. NORMAL un photo shopped pictures that we would find on any of our real friend's faceook. Her smiling and being a REAL person.

So this make me think... What makes a NORMAL person go through ALL this trouble? I can understand a normal person trying to mess around a bit or talking shit, but this is excessive. Like psycho crazy bitch excessive because she is going through waaaay too much trouble and it looks like she is getting personal about it WHEN SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW US AT ALL. Now I want Won to video chat with her, just to see if she is a real person or not and does she act psycho in front of a video camera too? Lol, careful what I wish for right?

I wonder.. do her friends who go on vacation with her know she is like this? Imagine you're a girl on vacation with your girlfriends. Now the NORMAL thing you would do is going on facebook together and show each other pictures of cute guys... now imagine you're just laying on the hotel bed with your girlfriend and she is making fake facebook profile and AIM screen names to harass someone she doesn't know AT ALL and threatening to hurt their families. OMG. I would freak the f*** out if I ever caught any of my girlfriends doing shit like that!

Or how about if she was working in a MAC cosmetics nearby and I happen to shop there? Like how the hell would she treat me?  I assume most of her customers are girls. Does she randomly go pyscho bitch on her customers? What if her customers came in to shop with their boyfriends? Does she make sexual passes at their boyfriends and then threaten to hurt the girls? I don't get it, how would she keep her job?! What would her managers and co-workers say if they only knew what a crazy bitch she was.

Someone mentioned that their friend video chatted with a girl like that and she ended up using those video to blackmail him for money... As ridiculously tragic as that story is... I can understand that motivation. Money. But I would think when the girl fails she would just easily give up and go onto the next thousands of guys. In this case, this girl is NOT giving up. She is taking it to another level over ONE lost guy to video chat with. Even if it worked, her planned would have back fired because he already spent all his money on me so HA!

They should do a CRIMINAL MINDS episode on girls like her. I want to see her profile. Hahahaha.

Yoebo and I always joke about stalking each other and catching each other doing something we shouldn't be doing since we both have each others' log-in for just about everything but our banks (for now...) Trust me, it's not that fun secretly stalking someone when it's not a secret. Actually it's really boring when your yoebo is 100% trustworthy. I don't think I've logged into anything that was Yoebo's for a REALLY LONG TIME.

Today for some reason I logged onto Yoebo's facebook and was reading over our silly old messages that we've exchanged. When this girl facebook chat with him. I wouldn't have thought much of it except she kept asking to video chat with him and calling him "oppa." So I looked into her profile, she was not Korean so she had no reason to call him anything but by his name, Won. Other than that, she seemed like a normal pretty girl, also a makeup artist.. in another country. It was weird she wanted to video chat because to my knowledge Won doesn't video chat with anyone besides me, especially not another girl.

So I simply told her (without attitude because I wasn't jumping to any conclusions if this was one of his gal friends) that this was his girlfriend and not Won and I asked why she wanted to video chat (okay fine, I had a little attitude, but even if this WAS just his gal friend, she needed to get the hint that I wasn't cool with it) thinking she was normal and would just say something to the effect of, "oh my bad." But what happened was the bitch went crazy and started telling me to "fuck off" even though she was the one who was bugging about wanting to video chat. Then she started telling me how much she misses Won and his sex. And how she has pictures of him naked. And videos of him doing nasty stuff and blah blah blah. Then she went on to call me a "Viet bitch" and insult me here and there, trying to taunt me. But I don't respond.

I ignored her after that because of all the nasty things I could say back to her, I am above that. Street dogs fight dirty. Us REAL girls, we're classier than that. We don't go around begging other womens' men for their attention. And we definitely do not girl fight. I even told Won from day one. If I EVER have to fight another girl for him, I will walk away. Whatever girl problems he has from the past or will encounter from the future, he needs to take care of it. I don't ever want to hear anything from any of those girls. I should never have to sink down to a girl fight for MY yoebo.

Okay to preface this.. Won and I have already been on bad terms for the past few days. So I am shaking mad at this point. I text him everything she said in my sarcastic a** way that I get when I am mad. And I call him. No answer. So I call again. And again. And again. And again. Still no answer. I call his sister, who's number has changed recently. Then I started asking his friends for his house number, which no one has (and I forgot to save when I got a new phone). I am getting more and more pissed off by the minute. Not so much that I believe this crazy girl for a minute but more so because WHY THE HELL IS HE EVEN FRIENDS WITH CRAZY BITCHES like that?!?! Especially if they are going to disrespect me.

We FINALLY get to talking (he was in the shower) and after much talking and time on his part he convinces me that she isn't his friend. Apparently she goes around friending all Korean guys and tries to video chat with all of them. He had blocked her on AIM a while back because she kept trying to webcam after he said already said no but didn't realize she was on his fb too (since he accepts all friend requests). It was super (un)forunate that the one time she FBed chat him I was on it. It made me think what kind of pathetic sad crazy bitches do that? Seriously? I am so glad I did not even try to respond to her or give into her taunting. There is no use in talking to crazy bitches. Even now I can't get over how pathetic she is. Because her facebook profile and picture albums show she is a normal girl but underneath all that is a big pile of shit. What is wrong with her for her to have to go after every random guy and try to get sexual with them? And for her to be a girl but say all those nasty vulgar things? She must be one of those girls who validates her worthless self by doing dumb shit like this, thinking these guy's girlfriends would somehow be jealous of her or that some dumb guy would actually cheat on their girlfriend for her and make her feel superior about herself. Or maybe she is just happy to shake things up for people. Whatever her goal, I don't get it.

You can imagine anything Won had been holding against me for the past few days totally went out the door. And the tables were turned. I completely had the upper hand after this. The GOOD thing that came out of this was we were forced to finally laugh with each other after days of not laughing. And we've stopped having trouble in paradise. We're lovey dovey again <3 

Now that I have a boyfriend with a little sister, I totally get to be the big sister. And something happened recently that made me remember the time when I was a little sister to my brother's girlfriend.

I was turning 20 and just had my first major heartbreak. I remember we went shopping together, just us girls, and I spilled everything that happened that lead up to my heartbreak. The story was long and in a million pieces. I remember her telling me to stop crying because he was such an asshole and didn't deserve my tears.

The funny thing I remember was her telling me that he was an asshole to use the excuse that we weren't officially together because she was sure we were "doing the boyfriend-girlfriend thing" together. To which I agreed. The whole time "doing the boyfriend-girlfriend thing" to me meant holding hands in public. Because it meant the world could see that you guys were together so that was "doing the boyfriend-girlfriend thing."

Who the hell knew it meant something else/?..the OTHER boyfriend-girlfriend thing, if you know that I mean... I sure didn't!! So innocent. Hahahha! It'd be so much easier if kids were still that innocent now a days.

How's everyone New Year's so far? My eyes are still burning.. seriously. Gaaaah must be all that damn glitter!!! That and I came home at 3AM after ringing in the new year with my cousins at a club, then woke up at 5AM to do a New Years Day wedding. Gaaaaaah.

All the party peoples.. See what happened was I was on the VIP couch and had taken off my shoes and there was broken champagne glass on the floor so I didn't want to step down to take the picture so that is why I look like I was photo shopped in. Haha. We ventured out onto the dance floor ONCE but quickly retreated to our table and STAYED there for the remainder of the night when we realize we were at a OLD WHITE PEOPLE's club and the dance floor consisted of white boys dancing to rave music or party-has-beens drinking at the bar like.. it was a bar. That's what happens when you let the token white boy (who has asian fetish might I add) be in charge of booking where we party. Don't mind me, I'm just bitter because I felt like a midgit, even with 6 inch heels because white people are REALLY tall compared to Asian people at an asian club, where I feel petite (but not hopelessly midgit-like). Hehe

Glitter, glitter, glitter rockin' everywhere. Rockin' everywhere. Seriously we had so much darn sequin that we were getting stuck to each other cuz our dresses would snagg onto each other. AND we couldn't dance too close cuz the sequin would scratch each others' bare legs. Love my party girls

My party partner in crime. She JUST got her braces off! Doesn't she look so gorgeous! Oh, btw! I am getting my two front teeth shaved down tomorrow so they won't be so big! EXCITING!!! Can't wait to show you pictures of that afterwards!

My yoebo will be glad to know this is what I was doing when the clock struck 12!

It took a few tries to get the camera angle right! Okay so she kissed me like a ba-jillion times and half my face was covered in bright pink lipstick. And we didn't even have to say "no homo" or anything!!

Love her!!!! And my completely glamorous almost costumey sequined New Years blazer.

Okay my fabulous readers! Wishing you a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Cheers to a new year filled with more sequins, glitters, and hot pink lipsticks!!

Awww, one of my best girlfriend's (from highschool) birthday was today so we had cheap Chinese hot pot to celebrate. It was the high school gang all over again. Okay, so we weren't really a gang in high school but somehow now we always see each other for my girlfriend's birthday. Love it!

I asked somebody to take a picture so I can prove it to my yoebo that I can INDEED cook. Ha! I'm cooking for special birthday girl, who is approving *Ignore the Korean guy next to me trying to school me on Korean BBQ*

Yum! Blood drenched... just how I like it. Hahaha.

Awww my best friend from college who I haven't seen since I've been in college. Go purple! You know back in high school we would plan our outfits to be color matchy matchy everyday! Haha.

All done!! yummm. Haha omg this Coriya Hot Pot place literally hasn't changed in over a decade. It's kind of sad. But I had fun with my friends. I love how the guys bicker like they're married to each other. And I love catching up with everyone and seeing what they're up to now. At the moment, no one has concrete plans for the future. It's okay, next year

Girls picture!! I also took a Boys picture but it turned out pitch black even with flash, they broke my camera!!AH!!

Our mandatory reunion 06 picture  

I was asked what was with my photography obsession today. I had to admit this was practically my first time using this darn little camera since I've gotten it. Haha. Hopefully I keep it up!

I can't wait to party for New Year's Eve tomorrow night!! SUPER EXCITED!! I bought a completely sequin, completely fabulous blazer to ring in the New Year. My friend loved it so much she asked if it was okay she threw out her planned outfits and bought the blazer too. We're going to be BLINGING tomorrow night!!! Hopefully I will not be too shy to whip out the camera then!

And PLEASE be safe tomorrow. DO NOT drink and drive! DO NOT let your friends or anyone you know drink and drive. Btw, buzzed driving IS drunk driving. Let's keep the streets safe for EVERYONE!!

 Someone got super offended by my last post about pageants. Not to say I was really offended by their comment because I can understand why they're mad I wrote that but man.. judging from their comment I highly doubt they know what its like being a makeup artist at a pageant. At All. Money? Seriously? Most of the artists at pageants are volunteers or sponsor, most of them do it because they want the exposure or simply because they LOVE doing pageant makeup (like myself). The money is a joke at most pageants. And secondly, most of the artists I know double and triple up as someone who ends up helping the girls get dressed, put on their accessories, hairspray their butts (so bikini bottoms don't ride up), and even their confidante and pep talker. I don't know what kind of makeup artists you know, but real ones invest everything they can into their pageant girls so don't tell me why the hell should I care. Secondly, they don't know ME at all to say something like that to me. I am one of the most cheerful and least spiteful person ever. So HA!

With that said, I think it's only fair I write about the OTHER TRUTHS (the good stuff) about pageants.

1. Everyone think pageants girls are dumb bimbos because they couldn't answer one on-the-spot question about the political turmoil of this country while on stage in front of thousands of people without skipping a beat. Seriously, how many people can stand up in a regular classroom of their own peers and give a GOOD presentation that they've had weeks to prepare? Cut the girls some slack. Besides, most pageant girls I know graduate top of their class and goes to universities like Berkeley, Stanford, Harvard, and Yale. They aspire to be doctors and lawyers and business owners and a lot of the time go on to do VERY VERY well. Dumb bimbos girls don't do things like that.

2. Another word everyone loves to use when talking about pageants is "CATTY." Catty is The Real Housewives Renuion episode. There is nothing "catty" about pageant girls. They are all too smart to show what they really think about each other, they know everyone is watching them and its too much to risk being seen as the pretty girl with the ugly attitude. Backstage, the girls are usually really calm and pulled together and too busy mentally preparing themselves to have the time to be catty with the other girls. Even after they win or lose, most of them walk away with grace and don't succumb to any catty behaviors. The audience members/friends watching, however, that's a whole another story about being "catty."

3. Everyone is REALLY nice minutes before the pageant. Even if it is a fake nice, I definitely prefer that facade of politeness over anything else. Everyone is already waaay strung on nerves, the last thing I need is someone to say something mean to one of the girls and she falls apart as I am doing her makeup. Also, if I know the girl I'm working on is a major bitch, I am really really glad she is going to at least pretend to be nice to me at least while I'm working on her. It will help us both get through the process much smoother and in the end we'll both be happy.

4. Pageants can be a GREAT stepping stone for a girl wanting to reach her life goals. Even if you don't win, there are still banquets and events to attend that can put you in contact with some very important people. And people are just generally overall impressed when you can say you've participated in a pageant, it'd kind of an out of the ordinary experience for most people. Plus everyone will want to do a photo shoot with you. That's always fun. And you meet a lot of great people that way too.

6. Aside from all the wonderful people you have the opportunities to meet, you can end up becoming best friends with some of the girls from the pageant. I'm not just saying that either, this is real stories from the girls I personally know.

7. All girls who do pageants come out as much more beautiful girls. How can you not? If you are constantly around other beautiful girls and pampered to death in the looks department for a few weeks, you definitely going know how to be more beautiful on a daily basis. It's funny because I'll meet some girls who this is their first ever pageant and they've never even had their eyebrows groomed and are hesitant to even let me do it for them! But then a few months later I see them again and it's va-va-voom with perfectly shaped eyebrows and all. That's ALWAYS a good thing. The world can never have too many beautiful women.

8. For the not-already-rich girls, pageants can be a GREAT way to earn some scholarship money. Like the Miss America system for example, every years the girls have to get through the Miss Whatever-City to get to the Miss Whatever-State. Now at the State and America level, it's a different playing field. But when you're doing the Miss City level, it's actually a REALLY nice place to be. You don't pay any fees whatsoever and if you don't have gowns and shoes, they will provide those things for you free of charge, including any training you need. And if you win any title (meaning runner ups) you win SOME scholarship money. Now the system is set up so you can do as many Miss cities as you can, like if you work in San Francisco but mom lives in Oakland while Dad lives in San Jose but you volunteer in Sacramento.. you can pretty much compete is all 4 cities. And if you win like $1,000 at each city, then you just won yourself $4,000 worth of scholarship money. I know girls who pay for college by doing this! Every "pageant season" (meaning year) the girls try to do as many pageants in as many cities as possible so they can earn scholarship money. And when I say scholarship, I mean scholarship, the money goes straight to their university tuition, not their shopping account. It's pretty cool.