My whole life I’ve been on the petite size, always the first 5 in line for class pictures. Although I’m terribly short, I’m not exactly scrawny. I’m not chubby but I’ve definitely got meat on my bones.  I remember in middle school one of my REALLy skinny and tall friend was on track and one day she walked into class with her tiny track shorts and she had a HUGE thigh gap. That was probably my FIRST time noticing it and all I could think was she looked like a skeleton because her thigh didn’t touch. But whatevs. Didn’t think much about it. Then in college all these guys were talking about how sexy thigh gaps are and how it makes the list for things that makes guys melt.

Oh, okay, so a thigh gap is ATTRACTIVE. But no matter how skinny I got, even when I was like 80 pounds in my early twenties due to diet pills, I didn’t have it. So I thought, hm.. maybe their legs are BOWED out so thats why they have the gap. I read a couple of fitness blog debating if you can achieve them with diet adn exercise or if they are simply a genetic thing. I just accepted that my thighs are close to each other and the meat I have on my them just will always touch. Luckily, I never struggled with my weight. I was happy to have some T&A but skinny enough for everyone to call my skinny.

Since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been taking my showers while sitting down in the tub because I get really tired and light headed randomly so I’d rather just be sitting down. Today as I was shampooing my hair, I looked down at the shower water hitting my bent knees, I looked at my thighs and HOLY TAMOLEY, there is  gap between them. NO WAY! So I straightened my legs thinking the meat & fat will spread out and touch my thighs together again but NOPE! Even when my legs are straight, there is still a gap! A small one, but one nonetheless.

Kind of exciting but I’m pregnant!! I’m supposed to be GAINING WEIGHT!! UGHHH!!! I need to eat more. LOL. Maybe because my hips got bigger for the baby so my thigh bone spread out further apart creating a thigh gap? Hahahaha I don’t know. When you least expect it!

Btw, today I was grocery shopping with Won. I always hook onto his arm and bounce around and we kept knocking into each other so I made a joke about how he needed to walk straight and stop bumping into me. Then he looked at me and said,” maybe your hips got wider. Ever think of that!?”

UGHHHH!!!!!!!!! I’ll KILL HIM!!!!!

Sometimes I dream about my dad. In all my dreams with him so far, he was alive and well and always helping me. So when I woke up I have this hope that I could run into the next room and he is still there and his death was actually the dream. When I realize the truth, it’s sad. But that split second when I wake up, it’s relieving and comforting. So I always welcome these dreams.

Last night I slept for 14 hours, which is probably a record for me. And in my dream for the first time, I knew my dad was gone. He was in my dream, but gone. I can’t remember what happened exactly but it was enough for me to wake up feeling lost and terribly upset. To top it off, I woke up and had no idea what time it was and where Won was. It was 2PM and Won had left for the gym. I fought every urge to cry. There really wasn’t a reason to cry because in my reality nothing had changed, but I couldn’t help it.

I have never believed dreams meant anything but just a story your brain tells you when you’re sleeping, kind of like day dreaming. I don’t deny the supernatural but I don’t believe it will ever happen to me because I know I won’t accept it. I do believe only those who accept the supernatural will have the super natural happen to them. Anyhow, I’ve spent all day shaking this sad feeling of lost.

Good thing my friend made me a whole pot of che yesterday. Che is a refreshing Vietnamese dessert made with coconut water, coconut meat, grass jelly, basil seeds, jackfruit, rambutan, and logan. Something sweet and cold always makes me feel better

Remember: We haven’t told anyone outside of xanga yet so please don’t mention this on any of my other social media or outside of xanga. Thanks!

Okay to be honest, up until this point I was STILL kinda in denial that we are pregnant because the pee test at the doctors could have been wrong too. LOL. But yesterday we went in for our first ultrasound and WE COULD ALREADY SEE OUR LITTLE BOOGER!! The doctor said it’s the size of a gummy bear right now. And it has little nubbins for arms and legs, just like a real gummy bear. LOL!

Kinda crazy how you can actually see the little head and body already! Technology is AHMAZING! There was even a healthy heart beat, we couldn’t hear it yet but it was enough for the ultrasound machine to record it. We’ll hear it at the next appointment in a month!

It’s so little but we already love it so much and think the world of how cute it is. Won asked to take some of the pictures home. Lol he stole one of them from the pack to try and put it on his car dash board but it wouldn’t fit. I know he is dying to tell someone. anyone. But I asked him to wait just a little longer. Until we’re a little more in the clear.

I do have some bleeding they spotted in the ultra and while it’s not normal, it’s also not uncommon. The chance of miscarriage when bleeding is spotted is about 50%. But everything else was healthy like the the yolk sack, the heart beat, the size of the baby, so that brings down the chance of miscarriage to only 5%. Whew! The nurse said most likely the blood will just find it’s way out my body or just get reabsorbed back in the body, which is what I’m hoping for.

Aside from that exciting little tid bit, I am still nauseous as ever. But I found a friend who cooks home made Vietnamese food for me. And all the other times, Won drives me an hour away into Seattle to get Vietnamese food. Although I’m not craving Vietnamese food, it’s comforting for me and easier to try and eat when I’m feeling nauseous all the time. Because otherwise, I literally won’t eat all day. *sigh*

Hope everyone else is feeling great!

So… how have I been feeling??

Pretty darn excited? No. I’m RATHER GOSH DARN miserable is more like it. They say 3/10 pregnant women will experience nausea. Lucky me, I am nauseous just about ALL THE DARN TIME.

Pregnancy in a summary:

1.
Pro: My husband is extra accommodating. He has always been even before I was pregnant but now more so than before.

Con: He think it’s all in my head. He thinks because I am not walking around with a big belly means I shouldn’t REALLY be feeling pregnant. So he is a good husband BUT SO GOSH DARN infuriating that he doesn’t understand me. I’m going to drug him tomorrow and see how he likes feeling nausea ALL THE TIME.

2.
Pro: Unlike before, I haven’t had any cravings (usually from foodie pics I see on FB) so we save money on me splurging on random foods.

Con: The sad part is I can hardly stand to eat ANYTHING because my nausea makes me not want to eat.Meal times are SUCH A DRAG. Yesterday I ate half a handful of rice and 3 chicken McNuggets from McDonalds before I started spitting it back in the take-out bag. Um.. this was from the time I was awake at like 8AM until 3PM. My baby is going to be TINY! I’ve eaten out every single meal since I’ve been pregnant because I don’t want to eat anything at home but I barely even eat my take out food. So we’re actually LOSING money.

3.
Pro: I have amazing friends who are willing to cook anything I do want to eat after they read my FB status asking.

Con: Not that I am craving it, but I do want to eat Vietnamese home cooked food because although I don’t REALLY want to eat anything at least this is something I’ve eaten my whole life and so it’s comforting. BUT WE LIVE IN A GOSH DARN KOREAN TOWN!!! Even the Pho places are Korean owned so they only have your basic Pho. WHAT THE PHO right?!? The Seattle Vietnamese hub is about an HOUR away from home. So I definitely am not getting to eat things I want to eat. I miss mommy’s cooking

4.
Pro: Even though we’re pretty unprepared for our baby, I want it to feel as if it were planned. So I’m planning some pretty amazing baby related parties for our family and friends in few months.

Con: It’s like another wedding. We’re going to be poor FOREVERS. Won gets mad at me for saying we’re poor because he works so hard for what we do have. Haha. You know, he probably makes more money than all his peers but for some reason we are the most conservative with our money CUZ WE’RE POOR. Where does our money go?!

5.
Pro: I’ve always had a good amount of boob for my small self but now they’re like no-need-a-push-up-bra big!

Con: They fuckin’ hurt like a mother fucker! Putting on a bra in the morning is my worst enemy! I try to just not wear one and wear a big sweater instead to hide that I’m not wearing a bra. TMI. Hahahaha. And at night it hurts because there is just so much of it and no where to put it. UGHHHHH.

6.
Pro: I want to guess we’re about 2 months along which is pretty exciting because according to the chart the nurse gave me, my baby is the size of a BEAN and is developing eyes.

Con: I pray everyday for HUGE eyes.. even though our eyes aren’t that big.. haha and a tiny nose! And nice full lips, which Won has strangely enough. Oh yea, and a heart of gold so it can go to heaven! It’s kinda crazy if you REALLY sit and think about exactly how fast your baby is developing and HOW MANY THINGS has to come together! It’s really a miracle that it happens at all!

Hm… I don’t know what else.. not much else going on besides the nausea and the tiredness. It’s happening so fast! Yet at the same time, 9 months can’t come sooner!

Oh, and I usually throw up bile in the morning when I try to brush my teeth and then my body convulses afterwards from the throwing up motion. The nurse told me to stop brushing my teeth and just rinse my mouth instead. So I have that going on for me -____-

As promised!!

Lol!! It took EVERYONE forevers to convince Won to let them do this. He was so tortured as you can see but now THIS is is favorite picture! It’s been his profile picture for months! LOL

Some behind the scenes shot. LOL. We were at the Cliff House in SF going down to Sutro Baths. At least on the way down Won could carry me! On the way up, I had changed my dress so that I couldn’t move my knees so I had to SIDE STEP ALL THE WAY THE EFF BACK UP! LOL. But the pictures were worth it!

Us messing around!

All the handsome men!

All the pretty girls!

Probably one of my favorite pictures from the shoot! I LOVE the ruins at Sutro baths! We’re probably gonna blow this up and frame this one!

Won’t even tell you how ridiculous we looked crawling our way out onto this ledge that is like 50 feet from solid ground  into the ocean just for this photo. Ha!

I did a dress change during our photo shoot. It was embarrassing because we had no changing room so my girls just brought some bed sheets and backed me up against a cave wall and I got nakkid out in public like that! Haha! Not bad, not bad eh? I’m peeking out of the cave at Won who couldn’t watch so I could surprise him with my second dress.

Won had never seen my dresses before so this was his surprise!! But he had already guessed my wedding dress was going to be pink. He knows me too well. This was a shot of our “first look.”

When you can dance to no music, you know you’re in love, or crazy.

THIS is how you get freaking pregnant. Keep your damn clothes on, kids!

This is us walking away from our photo shoot.. Our day is only half over. We’re heading to the party venue now!!

Even though xanga is dead.. we’re not. I realized I never finished uploading our wedding photos! I’ll finish that soon. Promise! But before that I have something more important and exciting. HOWEVER, I ASK THAT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME OUTSIDE OF XANGA TO NOT MENTION IT TO ANYONE OUTSIDE OF XANGA NOR ON MY OTHER PUBLIC SOCIAL MEDIA. I only want to share with xanga, not the whole world yet.

……. I’m pregnant.

After I realized I missed my period by 2 weeks, I didn’t think much of it and kept joking about it to scare Won because that’s what I always do. But during Halloween weekend I was feeling very nauseous and tired and I couldn’t eat anything I normally like. After clubbing we went out for dim sum and I fought every urge to throw up my chicken feet. Lol

We went as beat up prisoners. It was the first time Won let me do his makeup. I think he really liked it! Hehe

Anyways.. back to being pregnant.. After I missed what would be 2 month of having my period, we couldn’t deny it anymore and bought a bunch of at home pregnancy tests. At this point, I hadn’t eaten real food in days because I was constantly nauseous. Everything smelled horrible and made my stomach turn. We took 3 tests and they all turned up pregnant. But we didn’t want to tell anyone in case our tests were false positive. Yes. ALL THREE of them could have been a false positives okay?!!?
Side note: When you’re NOT TRYING to get pregnant and you do… the FIRST emotion isn’t excitement, it’s denial. Lol don’t feel bad. It happens.

I finally went to the OB/GYN this morning and was confirmed that indeed, I am pregnant. She guessed I was about 9 weeks along.. um no. I have only seen my husband in the last what.. like 6 or 7 weeks. I’ll go in for an ultrasound on Friday to get an exact age for our little booger. But I’m expected to be due around June 2014. Cool huh?

Won is SUPER excited and wants to tell EVERYONE but I asked him not to just because we’re early on and I know the risk of miscarriage is still very high and I didn’t want people to know in case we did mis carry. At the same time we’re also scared, well he is scared, because financially we just opened my salon and we had plans to go to Hawaii and move out into our own apartment in a nicer part of Washington, closer to my salon. I think we’ll be fine, honestly. I keep telling Won there are much dumber, poorer, and less rounded people than us who have babies and they turn out fine. I don’t know how comforted he is by that. Hahaha.

Now everyone wants to move to Seattle to take care of me: my mom, my cousins from Cali, my cousins from NY. It’s pretty exciting and Won told me to tell them to CALM THE EFF DOWN. LOL. This is going to be the first baby in my whole family from my generation so everyone is pretty excited! It’s also a little embarrassing, we’ve BARELY been married (I haven’t even finished uploading our wedding pictures for goodness sakes)  and on top of that I’ve literally JUST moved up to Washington like a month and a half ago.. and um.. I’m already that far along pregnant. LOL.

So.. what’s going on in everyone else’s life?