March 11, 2011

  • I Hate

    I hate that my boyfriend lives a flight away. Most of the days I get along fine because I am so busy as is he and I treasure the weekends we do get together. But on days like today I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY hate that he can't just swing by and help me with men stuff.

    I hate that there are no reliable men nearby. my brothers are either wussies or too busy for me.

    And I don't have guy friends I can really ask for favors.

    And I hate that we have no hammers in the house. WTF. Who doesn't have a hammer in their house? Whoever took my dad's hammer in the first place should give it back and buy their own damn hammer!

    I hate being a stupid little girl asking for help in a stupid big store. And then not really understanding what the staff said about lighting installments and converters and light wattage. And I hate standing there for half an hour trying to figure out which damn light bulb to buy.

    I really really really really hate tonight. I try but I failed. I want to cry and beat someone up.

    Edit:

    Okay so what happened... I've been soooo busy lately with FULL TIME hours at school, running my business, being in charge at church, and making my family and health a priority. And the thing is the more my business appointment calendar is filling up, the more clients are pushing to get their appointments in! Ahh!! So I've been having to do my client appointments later and later in the day. And it's a makeup studio so we don't have the so important advantage of DAYLIGHT! And I'm getting so sick of doing client's makeup in the cheap yellow flourescent lights that comes with the studio so I was determined to go buy really bright studio lights.

    A one hour trip to Home Depot trying to learn as much as I can about lights, electricity and light bulbs landed me sitting and crying for 2 hours trying to figure out how to assemble the damn thing. I felt like I tried EVERY WRONG POSSIBLE way before I FINALLY put it together correctly. I kept taking it part and putting it back together again and again and again. At one point I want to throw it in the garbage can and cry because I was 100% sure Home Depot sold me faulty shit. But I persisted. Then I used a power drill for the very very very first time to drill it to the wall. Sooo scary! But final results...
     


    I felt super accomplished for  a whole 10 minutes until my brother called me out for not using anchors (I didnt even know WTF they were or why there were a bunch of plastic pieces in the bags with the screws) and for using the wrong light bulbs. It's like getting punched in the stomach. Especially considering my brothers ARE FUCKING IRRITATING because they would never in a million years help me with this stuff no matter how many times I ask again and again. But yet so eager and quick to criticsized.

    Then there's Mr. Boyfriend who is like a thousand miles away. And all he does is laugh. He think it's really cute. I don't. Im beyond frustrated, I need help, not to be made to feel like I can't do shit and it's cute that I even try. Or he tells me to just wait until he's here. I don't want to wait weeks and weeks on end. I can't keep meeting with clients weeks and weeks on end in the dark. And as if shit can't get worst, now he's mad at me for being mad at him for laughing at me. He thinks I treat him like a punching bag and he doesn't put up with it. But I feel like a lot of times he doesn't understand my frustrations. He doesn't take me seriously. And I hate it because I already feel helpless and here my supposed-to-be knight in shining amour not only cannot help me but then makes me feel like shit. So yea, instead of making me feel better he pisses me off more and more. So yea, I take it out on him. I guess sometimes the person we push away the most is the person we need the most. I wish he had more tolerance for me. And at least ACT like he understands my feelings instead of just brushing them off.

    WTF. Im just SUPER SUPER SUPER pissed and annoyed right now. And I used up all my energy already. I don't have any more strength to re do it now :(

    I feel like shit. I hate tonight. AND there's a MESS of empty boxes and plastic bags in the living room :(

Comments (12)

  • wattttt why did u fail i thought u did it yourself! it looks good :)

  • ehh anchors are overrated. its all good as long as it hangs and isnt wobbly :)

  • Shame on your brothers for not helping you - especially the one who obviously has enough time to criticize your efforts. Looks okay to me.

  • Be proud of yourself for accomplishing what you did tonight! So what if you didn't use anchors or get the right bulbs - the fact of the matter is is that YOU did all this by YOURself and that is amazing. We can't expect that every person is going to have knowledge about those little things, so for you to be able to do all that is awesome.

    Also be proud of yourself that you DIDN'T give up! As frustrated as you were with the whole thing, you persisted and you pushed through it and that is a trait most people don't have [and I probably don't on some days!].

    Men won't get it. Sometimes we have to explicitly say that it's frustrating and all we want is for them to acknowledge that they understand how we feel, to take in our feelings seriously and although we may look cute, when we're pissed - that is not the time to say so.

    <3 feel better love and again, BE PROUD!

  • Wow, good job with the installation. It looks fine. Ignore the criticism of those who didn't help you because they didn't want to take time out of their lives to help you so why should you take time out of your life to listen to them talking? Lol.

  • sleep on it and get back to it tmw. itll be another day

  • Vannnn if you ever need help again I will bring Ryan over and have him do it for you. You did a great job by yourself. So sorry to hear about all the frustrations. :(

    Your busy schedule is exactly why I feel so privileged every time I get a chance to see you! Hope you feel better tomorrow.

  • Yeah the anchors aren't all thaaaat important. You should just be proud and happy you did it yourself. It's good to do things yourself rather than rely on a guy or someone else to do it for you anyway. Sure it's nice and everything, but you'll always have an instance like today where you get stuck and need to do it yourself. Now you have and now you know more. So in the future if you ever do anything similar you'll have that experience in the bag to draw on.

    As for the boyfriend, not reaaallly going to defend him. But it is pretty tough when you're nowhere around and just talking on the phone to see how upset you really are over something. Adding levity and laughing could have just been his way to try and make you less upset over the whole thing, unfortunately it had the opposite effect. But I have no clue.

  • I'm so proud if you for not giving up...i know I would probably have! I think it looks amazing with or without anchors. Leave it up until Won comes down to put them on.

    Don't be so sad. See you tmr! :)

  • *HUG* Your lights look brilliant, even if they're the wrong kind =). Can't say I would've dared to use a power drill. It'd be fine if it wasn't my house, but in your case, it is, lol. I'd be shit scared.

  • it looks amazing but i can't help but laugh also

  • Oh I forgot to add, if you ever need to do handy work again, give me a call! We can be handy women together =] We won't need men!

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