February 5, 2013

• THAT girl. Gah!

  Okay first order of business, remember I wrote that entry about attracting things? Well guess what? A week later Won pretty much got 4 new job opportunities with very large companies. And now the company teams are even fighting over him! What a lucky guy. When it rain it pours! He is fighting off hiring managers left and right. My mojo must be strong for that to happen so quickly! Hahaha In all seriousness, he is actually pretty stressed about it. He can’t work for everybody, as much as I know he would have loved to.

  Okay, back to me.

  I’ve been reading so many entries about people who lose their opposite-sex best friend to a relationship because their significant other requires all of their time or attention and does not want them to hang out with said friend as much.  And everyone comments on how much it sucks for the friendship and how the new girlfriend/boyfriend must be so horrible to not let them have friends.

  And I’m thinking.. fuuuuck, that is ME! Everyone must hate me and think I am insecure right? 

  Wrong. 

  Before Won and I got together, I am pretty sure he had LOTS of girl friends.  I don’t know if he physically hung out with them but for sure they talked a lot (I know, I’ve seen the FB msges and texts!) But eventually one by one the girls rubbed me the wrong way, even though I NEVER met them or had any contact with them, except through reading his FB msgs with them. And I told Won upfront that I don’t like so and so because she said so and so. And now Won just has guy friends. And the few girls that he still talks with, I personally know them and like them. 

  What didn’t I like? Well there was this one girl who had a picture of Won holding up a sign that said he loved her. It was from a football bet that he lost. But she kept the picture and would use it as her FB profile picture from time to time during football season. So I told him that it bothered me. He did not think it was a big deal but told her to take it down anyway because I did not like it. She took it down but copped an attitude about it. They have not talked since.

  Or another girl friend who was his really good friend from high school or college or something. To me, she seemed to go out of her way to try to meet up for lunch or dessert or whatever. He always said how she is actually one of the guys, and not a girl. At first I told him to not go with her alone, just meet her up in groups. But then she kept making comments about how it must suck for him to have to work soooo hard to meet my demands (at the time) of two weddings. And how she felt bad for him that I wanted this and that. That drew the line for me. Here was this girl, who had never met me or seen the Van-Won dynamic, putting ideas into his head about how he should feel about me. Again, they do not talk anymore.

  Don’t get me wrong, I never got involved in any of these cases. I never contacted the girls or started any sort of drama. And Won and I never fought about it. I saw something I did not like. I told him when and why. And he did whatever it took to make me happy. Did I tell him not to talk to them anymore? No. He chose to not talk to them on his own. He chose my happiness over whatever it was his girl friends got out of talking to him.

  From my point of view, I don’t really care what kind of relationship he had with some girl before I came along. They could have been best friends and gotten each other through some of the most difficult times of their lives and have a special place in their hearts for each other. I really don’t care about that. It does nothing for my relationship with him, so why should I care. Sure, he can keep that memory forever and cherish it and be happy when he thinks about it but it doesn’t mean it’s going to affect any of our future plans together. 

  I mean, I’m sure at some point in our lives we were in love with Elmo and Cookie Monster but does that mean we still watch Sesame Street? No. We wear suits and go work in corporate buildings because our lives are different. We have different wants and needs that we fulfill from new sources. 

  Friendships do not have to be constantly lived through and revisited often for the rest of our lives. The real test of friends is knowing we’d still be there for each other even after decades of not talking. We forgive each other. It’s easy to be single and say why doesn’t so and so have time for me? But think of all the people who are married with careers and kids, they eventually disappear from the scene because they have more important things to do. And if you were a real friend, you would understand that and not hold it against them. It can be 3 years since I last talked to a friend but upon seeing them, I am so happy that they even remember me between their house and job and kids.

  Another way of looking at it for me: In my lifetime, I’ve never had a close opposite-sex friend so I simply do not understand the need for one. 

  Whatever your views,sane or crazy like me, it’s important to find people who have the same views you do. Less fighting

  • 6:03 am
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