January 31, 2013
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So Frustrating
I’ve been very lucky in life to be able to afford to listen to my gut. When I’ve got a bad feeling about something like a job or a relationship then I leave. And when I’ve got a really good feeling about something, then I follow through and so far I’ve been really happy with my life. For whatever reason I’ve always been motivated by this good feeling. Although I’ve stopped to consider the consequences of failure, it’s never stopped me before.
My parents on the other hand.. are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS against any of my plans. I would think by now I’ve proven myself to be pretty darn capable and have good judgement. But for whatever reason, they always have a million reasons why I should NOT proceed with my plans.I recently announced that I am applying to dental hygiene school and I’ve gotten some great leads and personal referrals for jobs in dental offices in Seattle. I would think my parents would be happy considering my whole life they told me to be a dentist or how I should work a stable job in a dental office like my cousin. But no…. suddenly I should NOT do anything in dental because their friends told them how dangerous the radiation from the x-ray machines are. And I am going to harm myself. I don’t know where they get this info from! Then on top of that, I am already sooooo great at eyelash extensions I should just stick with it.Except 3 years ago when I told them I wanted to go learn eyelash extensions, they were soooo against it. It looks disgusting and fake and it probably is soooo hard to do. And probably makes no money. And it looks so cheap, no one will respect me. *sigh* Of course that was until I learned it anyways on my own and became one of San Francisco’s top sought after eyelash extensions artist at the highest-end salon. Now they are sooo proud of me and want me to open my own eyelash extensions salon.To open a salon, I have to go to cosmetology school and get my state license. Which of course I did secretly for over a year because they would never approve. They wanted me to go to normal college and do makeup just for fun. So I secretly went to cosmetology school, kept my uniforms and school kits spread out in my friend’s lockers because there wasn’t enough space. And when my friends brought their proud parents for family hair cut day, I pretended like I couldn’t care less to even invite them. But the truth was I knew how mad they would be, how cosmetology was for the failures and the dumb girls who could not do anything else. How it was for the lowly immigrants who could not speak English and had no other option. I kept thinking how cool it would have been had my parents were supportive and I could bring them to school to see where I spent fuck’n 8 hours day 5 days a week. And how all my teachers loved me and joked how I was easily their favorite student. But no. I kept it a secret for over a year. I figured out they must have known, just not supportive. So when I finally told them, the reluctantly agreed to come to our school’s fashion show where I was right about everything. they were finally proud of me and saw how many friends I had and how my teachers had nothing but praises. My mom and I finally were able to compare and contrast cosmo school back in her day versus now a days. So many wasted months of unnecessary stress on my end.And before that, they were sooooo against me doing makeup. I had raised hell in the family by leaving college to go pursue my business. Can you believe I used to have to hide my makeup kit at my aunt’s house so my parents would not throw it away?! And I had to sleep over at my friends’ houses so I can get up and do makeup for weddings without my parents knowing. Sure, NOW they are proud of me after I make a living out of it. After I was able to financially take over all their bills and take them on nice vacations and buy them nice presents. Now they brag to everyone how their daughter gets fully booked year round to do weddings for some of the most famous doctors, lawyers, and CEO’s in the area. And how I get to work on the most beautiful pageant queens and get flown all over to work on big shows. But before, it was how shameful it was to be a “powder girl” and how they brought me to this country to make something of myself, not throw it all away doing something with so little respect. And how no guy will ever want to marry a low class girl like me who only knows how to do makeup.And don’t even get me started on college. When I announced that I was going to apply to some of the best colleges in the country that were far away from home, they acted like I said I was going to deal drugs and murder. I applied anyway. And guess what? I got in, just like I knew in my gut I would. And I was so happy. But I was not allowed to go, I was made to feel like shit for disobeying and applying to those colleges. And everyone I knew was in shock that I had forgo a top school for some lame local college. I mean, this was THE dream school for everyone in my high school and I, the “dumb makeup girl,” had gotten in. But I must be REALLY dumb because I did not even go. I actually don’t even know the reason why I wasn’t allowed to go. They just screamed that I could not go. I hate parents who say, “Because I said so.”I hate that I have to prove something to my parents before I can get their support. I wish they would just support me from the get go. It’s not like I make horrible life decisions. And even if I did, it’s not like my life is over. Every time I bring up something new, the conversations make me so angry I want to punch something.But like I said, it’s the good feeling in my gut that motivates me the most. I have never felt the need to prove anything to anyone, including my parents. I am not motivated by anger. I am simply listening to my gut. I am going to do what I know is right for me, like I always have in the past. And I’ll be glad to have their support when they finally decide to give it. Until then
My disapproving parents.Disapproving since 88′And no I did not get a nose job in the recent years, I just didn’t know how to contour back in the days!Awkward.
Comments (14)
I wonder if all parents are like that. You can never please them! But that’s okay… It’s a good thing there’s love. Albeit conditional haha
lol goodness. sounds like they are very very practical minded and not into dreaming. just a personality/cultural thing probably.
it’s good that you do what you like. sounds like the decisions you make are well thought out, and you have some serious drive to succeed.
just keep doing what you’re doing. they just don’t agree because they’re scared of change it seems like.
btw though, dental hygiene is very unglamorous compared to what you do now. but! if it’s something you’re genuinely interested in, it doesn’t matter! =]
I don’t know. I have to agree with them. Radiation is dangerous from the machines. Touching patients who could get sexually aroused. Mingling with different races especially Black guys.
@CITYG1RL - I am sure the love is unconditional. Just the positivity and support is not. Lol I wonder what my parents think of me as I go through my stages.
@consignedhearts111 - Haha that is what everyone is saying! Such different careers. But I’ve been wanting this since high school. I never openly pursued it because of my irrational fear of my parents + other things going on. But I feel this is the perfect time to do it. And I don’t think I was attracted to the glamour of my current job, I am in it for other reasons. It’s quite unglamorous waking up at 4AM to lug 50+ pounds of makeup up some bride’s apartment atop 5 flight of stairs. Or staying past 2AM to do photo shoots for designers who won’t remember who you are. Glamorous is reserved for those in front of the camera. We’re behind the camera, very unglamorous. Lol Every career has their ups and down!
@LetheOfHeaven - LOL. funny you should mentioned that!! For some reason I’ve always had a calling to do dental hygiene at a children’s dentist office! Let’s see how that turns out!
I know your feeling, my parents were against what I do as well in the beginning, but now they brag about me to everyone lol just know that at the end of the day your parents are just concerned for your well being. You should follow your dreams regardless of their approval, they should just be proud you are pursuing a legit career…good luck!
It will be the same with dentistry as i has been with eyelash extension. When you are successful, and you will be successful, they will be very proud of you.
You will be successful in whatever you do because you’re both smart and driven ~
Just do whatever you want, your parents will be happy for you either way, all they want is to make sure their daughter is safe, have a great husband to take care of them when they’re no longer there and will be able to stay healthy and well- that is all 
Never let your determination go just because someone dares to stand in your way. You’ve come a long way, and be proud!
Don’t forget…on top of that you now need MY APPROVAL for everything…MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA
My parents are the same way, they never approved of anything I wanted to do. I wonder if its just Asian parents. My mom recently told me, not being supportive of a child can make then work harder to achieve their goals. For us, being more Americanized, it seems horrible. Thats how they grew up & and raised us. I guess you can look at it this way- you’re successful and driven, maybe because of your parents lack of support.
Typically parents get nervous when kids stray from the standard career paths- so being against you pursuing make up, styling, and cosmetology in general makes sense. The dental hygienist is part of the standard career paths so I’m surprised they would be against that as opposed to the more expected “Be a dentist instead!” line of attack, haha. =)
First, you can give assurances that the hygienist leaves the room prior to turning on the x-ray machine and the amount of radiation used now is a small fraction of what was done years ago.
Developing another skill set will only make you that much more employable and give you variety. There is no law that says you have to do one or the other – you can mix and match!
Lastly, I know many folks is respectable corporate business and medical fields that don’t like what they do, which makes a hard job that much more difficult. Doing things you have an affinity for removes a good chunk of the “work” element from it.
Not denying your truth is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Yes, your parents are your parents and what they *think* in your best interest conflicts what you know in your heart is in your best interest (which is where your frustration obviously stems from). But what makes you special is that you still don’t compromise your dreams despite the adversity. An open heart is always rewarded. Keep going, accept everything good and bad as it is, and everything else will naturally fall into place (like your parents realizing the amazing daughter they have!).
I’m grateful to have very open minded parents and have an honest relationship with them, and had the natural parent-daughter conflicts along the way (especially when I was younger, usually rooting from what they think is best for me) but something we’ve both realized as we’re getting older is that sometimes the parent can be surprised when their child surpasses their initial perceptions of their abilities/talents. Remember, parents will almost always compare you to themselves when they were your age. Stay a few steps ahead and you’ve got the whole world in your hands.
Stay wonderful, woman!
I think it’s a asian parent/generational gap thing. Asian immigrants did work really hard and sacrificed everything and value more- job security and working up the ladder… whereas our generation we had everything growing up so we value more of doing our passions and following our dreams etc. etc.
I’m pretty amazed how you hid that you went to school for 8 hrs a day… where did your parents think you were???
Maybe not receiving that support from the beginning helped/s you work harder..
Hope it all works out!