June 30, 2012
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Am I Insecure?
I read so many comments about how jealousy is a sign of insecurity. I don't think I am insecure but maybe I am. What do you think?
- Jealously. Am I jealous with my boyfriend? I mean, no he is not allowed to go eat or out with any girls that I do not know. If it's girls I've met then I couldn't care less. But if it's a friend from out of the wood works that I have never met then no he cannot. Does it mean I am insecure? I am controlling, yes. But I don't know about insecure. It's not like if he cheated on me with some girl I will feel I am less worthy than her. I will think he is an ass. And I deserve better than an ass for a husband meaning I think I highly of myself, which is what an insecure person will not think.
So why don't I let him go out with other girls? I guess I want to control her impression of me by ingraining my looks and personality into her so when she hangs out with him she can not help but think of me and how freaking wonderful I am. But if she has never met me she will think I am a loser and she can steal him away. Which of course is not true. I also HATE it when people who do not know me talk about me. I cannot freaking stand it when his gal friends makes comments about how demanding or picky or high maintenance I am. Because if they REALLY knew me as any of my friends do (Christina, Jenny, other xanga people who have met me you have to vouch for me) they would know that yes I am demanding and picky and high maintenance but I am EXTREMELY generous. And I am not demanding and picky and high maintenance TO my friends but I am that way FOR my friends.
- Plastic Surgery. If Won Choe were not in my way about it I would get a smaller nose job and some bigger eyelids and some fuller boobs and I don't know what else. Does that make me insecure? No. Because it's not like I think I NEED plastic surgery, I just want it to improve myself and we know only people who truly loves themselves wants to improve themselves. In fact, I want some plastic surgery for EVERYONE. Trust me, very very very very very few people can go without some nipping and tucking. I want to improve everyone. Doesn't mean I feel ugly about myself to begin with. Sure I'm no smoking 10 but I ain't no Quasimodo either (on a good day). But at least I'm okay with posting pictures of myself online without fear of someone calling me ugly. Except one time this guy said I almost look like a girl, meaning he was saying I am a lady boy. It was so easy, I just deleted his comment!
- Education. For a long time I was really self conscious about this because my dad ingrained it in me. But now I couldn't care less. Everyone (okay not everyone just my nice friends) wants my artist life and I want their ivy league college big four corporate life. But that is just life, a little bit inside of us always wonders what if... I still go to school. One class a semester. So I'll get my degree someday and I absolutely love the classes I do take! See? Not insecure. I learned the people who judge me and make comments about my lack of degree (old asian folks who are friends of my parents) are really insecure about their own kids. And it's the ONE thing they can claim is so great about their lame-o kids (okay fine sorry you guys are not lame-os -___- )
- Body Hair. OMG this one is so weird and Won Choe is going to kill me for even mentioning it. Everyone always talk about how great a head of hair I have. Well, news flash if you have a great head of hair, you have hair.. all over your effin little body too. The really mean kids in elementary school called me werewolf -____- WTF. I started whole body waxing when I was 11. That is 13 years of my life I spent pouring hot wax on myself and ripping the hairs out. But the older I've gotten, the less I care about it. See? Less insecure. Now I only do it when Won yells at me to. Hahahaaha. But now I get free laser hair removal treatments and I don't even jump at the opportunity to do it. I'm like.. ugh... so lazy to make appointment.
Maybe by writing this post about how insecure I am NOT is really showing how insecure I am. I mean, secure people would never have to explain themselves right? RIGHT?!!? Hahahahahaha oh well.
Comments (13)
So did you look like this? http://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/02/23/9640657-happy-werewolf-girl-says-shes-proud-of-being-special?lite
....i say no to stubby legs rubbing against me at night!
@LetheOfHeaven - LOL! How the heck did you have the link so handy?! But no.. I was not THAT hairy. Thanks for asking -____-
Omgah I HATE body hair!!! I'm so jealous of ppl who got it all lasered off.
And the JB and I never meet up alone with our opposite sex friends. Why would there be any reason to?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA my housemate is getting hers lasered..she also has a 'wig'like hair..sighs.. my scalp was so sunburnt today..;( bahhh bald sadness.. ;(
haha.. you..don't really come off as insecure to me ...hahahaha the opposite if anything..LOL
Lol! I freaking love you, Van...however demanding, picky or high maintenance you are.
I don't think of myself as particularly hairy but when I am in Việt Nam in a group of people often one of the old ladies or one of the children will lightly stroke my arm in fascination of what seems to them to be to be fur. I just say that Americans live in a cold climate and we need it to keep warm.
I bet in elementary school a girl was jealous of you so she started the name calling as a response to her own insecurity. The other possibility is a boy liked you, and unfortunately at that age, boys show they like you by picking on you.
Education has value, but self sufficiency has more. Someone self employed with their own special skills has much more job security these days than someone on a corporate track with all the off-shoring of jobs going on now. As someone self employed, you have more control over your destiny and income and avoid all the silly office politics. We should all have an independent skill to fall back on as a safeguard against corporate downsizings. Also, answer those who would judge you for a lack of a degree with this question - why is it that those with degrees wind up working for those like Microsoft and Facebook, whose owners have dropped out of college?
no you may not be insecure if you let him hang out with all gfs that you've met. it would be a different story if he is not allowed to hang out with some of the girls you've met.
i would love to get bigger boobs but my bf won't allow it cuz the ones i have now are the right size for his hands...if we ever break up i'm going to get a boob job and a third tattoo.
There's no real need to feel insecure. You are who you are.
Jealousy: It's okay and natural to be jealous of a love one not spending time with you but rather with someone else(esp. one-on-one) stuff. But it's not good to be controlling....as TomCat has suggested.
Plastic Surgery: This is indeed an insecure issue. The very fact that you are not firm or set with how you physically look is the definition of insecure. Everyone wants to look better. and so, everyone is insecure to some degree. I mean, I work out to look better. If I was okay with the way I look, I wouldn't bother now would I? But I'm not obsessively insecure. And most people aren't(I don't think.)
And I'm not as fortunate as Jenny and Christina, but I'm pretty sure I know that you like to look good and have nice things but you are a good person all at the same time. You're not one of those bitches I've seen often in my life.
Education: If anyone who follows my blog, I have said before that education is more than just a piece of paper on a frame that no one really cares about...it's about what you learn throughout life. Sure, it's one way to get a ticket to a happier life, but there are more than one boxoffice where one can attain that ticket. So no matter how you get there, just get there-to a happy life that is!
Body hair: TMI! Ewww!! That's all I gotta say. Even I don't have stubbles on my legs. What girl wouldn't want these genes for her daughter! But apparently, 3.3 billion women in the world...
the one thing i've learned about relationships and people. You can be insecure all you want. But in the end...people are going to do what they want to do.